And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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