How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
