forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
