I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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