He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
