I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
