dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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