i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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