In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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