It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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