So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
