Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
