You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
