I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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