There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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