So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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