and you said cock pushups were impossible
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
