She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
