pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
do herpes really smell.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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