i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
