i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
