i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
