The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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