in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
