My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
