We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
