I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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