Someone shit on the floor
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize