Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
What a dumb baby whore.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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