I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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