Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
