Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize