Slut skills are useful in every country.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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