Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
