this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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