You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
so that wasnt chicken after all
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
