wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
