a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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