11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
