Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
