you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
