make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize