Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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