you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
