what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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