How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
