Buhtt sex?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
