Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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