My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I think my moral compass just broke
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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