ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
