with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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