Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
