i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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