Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
