Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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