Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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