Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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