I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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