if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
It's just like the Real World with babies
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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