Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
