this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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