U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
