i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
