they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
