theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
i now understand why vodka
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
