i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
