Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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