This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
