Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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