sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
