I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize