that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Terrible idea I love it
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
