Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
