I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize